


A Certain Kind of Loneliness

by mewsomniac



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drabble, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot, Ventus Needs a Hug (Kingdom Hearts), Ventus-centric (Kingdom Hearts), Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26381371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewsomniac/pseuds/mewsomniac
Summary: His subconscious poked and prodded his conscious, trapped in a long-running game of tag. Sometimes he could hear the laughter like it was the first day they met. Other times he would catch a shadow moving across the hallway. And he always chased it... chased and chased, only for his heart to break once more. [VanVen drabble]
Relationships: Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	A Certain Kind of Loneliness

**A Certain Kind of Loneliness**

* * *

One form of loneliness, the kind that’s vast like the sea, comes in waves. It stretches on in all directions and laps with its salt-flavored madness. Home shouldn’t feel like loneliness, but for him, it did.

Home had come along quicker than he could have hoped for. It was merely one long and bizarre dream before it became his reality once again. The behemoth of a palace only made him feel smaller, like a seed at the trunk of a grand oak.

Those matte white walls made him think of smooth stones for skipping. The drapes scattered dust that glittered in the warm sunlight. The gold luster on the detailing made his heart pinch.

Gold had become both his favorite and most hated color in those first weeks. He would blink and catch it out of the corner of his eye, always second-guessing as if reality were out to trick him.

His subconscious poked and prodded his conscious, trapped in a long-running game of tag. Sometimes he could hear the laughter like it was the first day they met. Other times he would catch a shadow moving across the hallway. And he always chased it, with his emotions swelling like a wave ready to break the shore.

Then he turned a corner to find nothing but glittering gold dust in the air. It must have been the shadow of a bird passing overhead, causing him to chase ghosts that weren’t chasing him back. Each time felt like a maw was splitting into his chest.

What was he chasing, anyway? Was it something that never was? Something that never could be? And yet, chase on he did.

He remembered one time of weakness when he thought none could exist. It was a simple moment, a near miss, the echoing of a skull-shaped cave all around them. Inside the helmet, golden hues were burning down into him.

“I don’t know if I could live without you,” the golden-eyed boy had said.

He didn’t know what to think of it then. Surely he meant forging the χ-blade… but something about it seemed too genuine. Too real. Too full of emotion. Too full of loneliness. It tasted like the cool crisp air. Felt fresh like the sea’s breeze. Those golden hues smoldered on, but in that one moment, they were soft… at the same time, they were burning for him and only him.

This thought only made him angry. Did that damn black-hearted brat ever think that maybe he couldn’t live without him either? That maybe he’d always be on the cold side of lonely because of it? That he’d be chasing the darkest parts of the castle around for the rest of his days until the gold he was really looking for finally returned to him?

Now, his unsaid words were dead in his throat, dead as the particulates that taunted him with their dances in the sunbeams. Pirouettes of light winked at him and chided, _You’re too late now._ It made his broken heart wish for night—for the muted black all around, swirling endlessly, blanketing him in nothingness and quiet.

He didn’t quite long for the darkness itself. He longed for the comfort it once brought him, knowing someone was there within it to watch out for him. He longed for the light, but only in the way it might stretch his shadow into a greater mass; a mass dark enough that it may manifest the smoldering eyes he longed for.

At night, he could almost see him leaning there against the wall. He could almost hear the voice, dripping with sarcasm and contempt, “Crying again? You’re so emotional.”

It bothered him that that voice was always so clear in spite of the helmet. He never had a chance to find out why. It was almost magical to consider now.

The tears made it hard to sleep, and the comfort of the longed-for night made it worse. The darkness reminded him of that dark hair. The glow of a candle had the same flicker of those golden eyes. The crescent moon envied the sharpness of that smirk.

He could picture him, sitting there on the edge of his bed, his black spikes blending seamlessly into the dark velvet all around them. He could hear Vanitas say, “At least you’re free, Ventus.”

“But is it really freedom,” Ventus asked the darkness, “If I can’t be free to be with you?”

* * *

_Exeunt._

* * *

A/N: This drabble came about as I was hopped up on caffeine, procrastinating on my homework, and listening to a song my friend sent me. It was Louis the Child’s track “Free.” (Party Favor’s remix is also pretty damn good).. It made me think of Ventus and Vanitas. If someone wants to make me a really high-quality VanVen music video of this song I’ll write **_ANY_ ** SFW Kingdom Hearts fic you want. Don’t care what ship, I’ll do it. Hell, I might make it myself. IT’S SUCH A VANVEN SONG, PEOPLE. Seriously!

Anyway, about this fic. I wanted to write a story where there was a lot happening, yet not much at the same time. I’ve been reading books with a lot of these qualities: the ones that manage to stretch time so exponentially within the space of a moment. I wanted to practice with that. How did I do? I’d love to hear your comment and critiques, as always.

**Some Updates:**

_Sleeping Late and Lying Awake_ is slowly coming together. With the pandemic, I don’t take the bus to work anymore so all that writing time I used to have just vanished. I’ve been making time here and there, so it’s creeping along.

I hope wherever you are, you and those you love are safe. Be well out there, and I hope to give you another update soon.

-+-

**Please please PLEASE favorite, review, ask questions, send kudos, add bookmarks… anything!**


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